#BedTalk Stop Shoulding on Yourself

#BedTalk Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Declutter your house! Learn Dutch! Organize all your files!

Are you starting to should on yourself about all the things you should be doing? Even worse, are you shoulding on others? Stop shoulding.

When we use the word should we are saying that we failed. Not everyone's work or responsibilities has decreased. For some, it has increased. Don't feel like you need to keep up with everyone else.

For the people who aren't working they may be excited to find time to finally learn that language.
For people who have been wanting to work on a house project for a year, they now have the hours to do it.

But if you are working hard all day and you just want to watch Ozark in the evening?
Go for it. Stop shoulding on yourself.

Just make sure you do some push-ups and squats in between each episode 🙂

For more #BedTalk search for #BedTalkChallenge, started by David Rendall www.drendall.com.


#BedTalk Keeping Positive Habits During COVID-19

#BedTalk Keeping Positive Habits During COVID-19

Keep as many good habits as you can. It's harder to restart a habit than start a brand new one.

Are all your bad habits going out the window with the shelter-in-place (sheltered and safe!) restrictions? Stop that madness! Focus on your positive habits and keep them up.

Keep as many of your good habits as possible and keep up your routine. We're not on vacation and it will be harder for you to get back your positive behaviors when things go back to normal.

Go to bed at a decent time instead of binging Netflix. Food prep on Sundays instead of winging it throughout the week and getting snack attacks every couple of hours. Keep up your movement instead of getting pancake butt while destroying your brain cells with hours of social media.

Marcey talks about maintaining positive habits in this latest #BedTalk, inspired by David Rendall and the #BedTalkChallenge. Check out this #BedTalk about keeping up your Diva Day.

What positive routine will you commit to keeping?

#BedTalk Do what makes you feel human

#BedTalk Do what makes you feel human

#BedTalks #2 – Do what makes you feel human. Marcey Rader isn't stopping Diva Day.

Self-quarantine, shelter-in-place, stay-at-home. It doesn't matter what you call it. No one, or very few people, is going to see you right now. It doesn't mean you let yourself go, stop shaving, let your eyebrows take over your face, or wear the same clothes for three days.

Do what make you feel good and makes you feel human. I regularly have my mini Diva Day on Sundays when I paint my nails, shave my legs, tweeze my eyebrows, and clothes prep for the week. I decided not to stop doing these things because it makes me feel human. The last thing I want to do in all of this is also feel bad about myself.

What can you continue to make yourself feel human?

Thanks to David Rendall for this great #BedTalksChallenge! For more bed talks search for #BedTalkChallenge on YouTube. For my #BedTalks visit my main blog page.

#BedTalk What is a good day?

#BedTalk What is a good day?

Marcey Rader takes part in the #BedTalkChallenge inspired by David Rendall

In the midst of the coronavirus and COVID-19, what would it look like for you to call it a good day in the areas of productivity, family and friends, and your health?

When you work in a role that requires you to physically be there and you can't, how can you feel valuable? If you are a scientist and you can't be in the lab are you still relevant? If you are a hairstylist and your chair is closed for business right now, what is your purpose?

Here I talk about redefining what a good day might mean to you.

What would it take for you to have a good day?

Thanks to David Rendall for this great #BedTalksChallenge! For more bed talks search for #BedTalkChallenge on YouTube. For my #BedTalks visit my main blog page.

Status: Weary, Tired, and Worn Out

Status: Weary, Tired, and Worn Out

I try not to answer “how are you?” with “I’m tired,” but today, I have three times because I am dragging-my-ass-barely-keeping-eyes-open-not-safe-to-drive tired. And three times, no one has believed me. Most of the time, I have more energy than the majority of people. I wake up early, work out, rock my tasks and facilitate coaching sessions all day and am still in a good mood when I go to bed. But every once in a while, something rears its ugly-soul-sucking head. Is it my Hashimoto’s Disease? Is it poor quality sleep? Or the how-is-this-even-possible high levels of pollen in North Carolina? When there isn’t a way for me to determine why it’s hard to know how to fix it or take care of myself. If I don’t get to bed at a decent hour or have to wake up earlier than I want, it’s obvious. If I have eaten junk food that doesn’t serve me or too much sugar, my own fault. If I have a cold, well, sometimes that just happens. But what about those other times and why don’t people believe me?

I don’t need sympathy, but I do want validation.

“Well, you’re tired is everyone else’s normal, so I don’t feel sorry for you.” Yep, I’ve heard this almost word for word, twice. I find myself every once in a while faking it when I feel less than stellar, but usually only when I have to be on my game during coaching calls and that’s not inauthentic, but focusing on my clients and acting as if, hoping that I get out of the funk. It’s been two days in a row of this low-energy drain, and my heart-rate variability was even off today. I haven’t slept well, also though I practice good sleep hygiene, I laid down for 20 minutes, but couldn’t take a nap. In fifteen minutes, I have to leave for a Discovery Session with a potential client and then attend a networking event, which I invited ten people to and will need to be Chief Connector. Times like this scare me a little because of my autoimmune diseases.

I get a bit nervous because if something were to start getting out of whack, I remember how long it took to get taken seriously the first time. I spent four years trying to convince doctors something was wrong with me, but because I wasn’t overweight, raced competitively and looked healthy, it was always dismissed, in my head or the worst, attributed to depression (and I wasn’t). I know it’s paranoia and these spells never last more than a few days. I may even regret writing this, look back and think “Girl, get it together!”, but here’s the thing… If you have chronic low-energy or know you could feel better and no one is listening, don’t stop talking until you find someone that does. If you have an autoimmune disease or something else you have to manage, it’s natural to get nervous. I hear so many stories of people like me, who took way too long to get diagnosed. If you are that person that everyone draws energy from, it’s okay to get in a funk every once in a while, just don’t let yourself stay there.

Three days later.

I went back to finish this post because I was too tired to finish it in the first round. I’m having a few good days. I don’t know what caused this downtime, but it did trigger a conversation with my husband about my two biggest life fears 1) being attacked or assaulted again, and 2) getting diagnosed with another autoimmune disease. I have to be careful that I don’t get hyperfocused and cause myself to become sick or look for symptoms that aren’t there. It’s a learning curve, behavioral shift, and mind trip all at once. There isn’t a call to action for this post. I’m not sure if there’s even a lesson, but if you have a disease or ailment that throws a tantrum, how do you handle it and keep it from sucking you down emotionally and decide not to live with the anxiety? What’s the balance between awareness and living without fear?

UPDATE: I most definitely was NOT ok. Read this post to find out what I learned.

Someday is my Four-Letter Word

Someday is my Four-Letter Word

I’m a natural goal setter, but sometimes we set goals for the future so we can make an excuse not to take action right now. Someday has become a four-letter word in my vocabulary if I can’t think of a reason why I can’t do it now.

Someday we will start saving for retirement.

Someday we will take our dream vacation.

Someday we will run a marathon.

I spent the better part of my thirties saying that someday I was going to focus on a lot of things.

  • When I get a promotion (goal), I’ll donate more to charity and save even more for retirement.
  • When I travel less for work (goal), I’ll take a foreign-language class and plan more trips for fun.
  • When I downsize to a smaller house (goal), I’ll get more time in the evenings because I won’t have to clean as much.
  • When we celebrate our next anniversary (goal), I’ll hug my husband every time he or I come home.

Marcey Croc Tail

Holding a crocodile tail on my yearly trip to Huatulco, Mexico

Why did I have to set a someday timeline and pretend it was a goal? Why couldn’t I start on those things today? Is it because I had to mentally prepare myself? Were my goals just excuses for me to procrastinate on moving forward?

I have in-laws who have said someday for the 24 years I’ve known them. When my father-in-law died of Alzheimer’s Disease, I decided I didn’t want to use that word again. They had always said someday they would travel, so they waited until he retired, and then his health significantly declined. Someday never came.

During my thirties, I got promoted a few times, cut my travel in half, downsized to a house with hardly any maintenance and had a few anniversaries. Did anything really change? No. Because looking back, I was goal-setting as an excuse or would make the goal even higher to put it just out of reach.


Why wait until retirement to visit a chocolate factory?

At the age of 39 when diagnosed with Hashimoto’s Disease, among other fun ailments with kooky names, I decided to stop the someday excuse. I had always maxed out my 401k and Roth IRAs and donated to three charities I felt strongly about, but I felt like it was never enough. I was hard on myself and was a little stingy sometimes with my money because I always thought it should be more, even though my financial planner said I was right on track with my life goals. As a new business owner, I allowed myself a maximum of two years not to put any money back for retirement with a goal to max out my Roth again by year three.  I did it and needed that goal. It wasn’t a someday in the sense that it wasn’t going to happen or I could have put it off, but a strong year three where I had my financial planner hold me accountable.

Marcey, Daniel and EricI stopped waiting to take a foreign language class and have become consumed with Duolingo app, combining it with three-week trips to Huatulco, Mexico every February for the last three years, with another trip already planned for next year. I found a way to make a business model work that I’m spending three weeks away in the middle of winter, enjoying life while working, and not waiting until I’m semi-retired to be living in a way that seems shi-shi.

We did downsize just like I wanted to but to a fixer-upper. It will take years to get everything up to the level of our last house, but this one we will have paid off in 2.5 more years and knowing that makes me so giddy I don’t even care that we have five different floor coverings in an 1100 square foot house!

We’re getting ready to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary this summer and are going to Yosemite. I’m not waiting to start a new goal with my husband, but instead, write something every single day that I am thankful for about him in my 5-min journal app.

Having goals is great. I’m a big fan. But now, I look at my goals and ask myself if this is something that has to wait until later (there are definitely things that have to be done in order) or if I’m just procrastinating and I could start right now. Am I sighing and following that with someday or can I take a baby step right now to do it?

What are you putting off that you say is gonna happen someday, that you could really start doing today?

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