#BedTalk Stop Shoulding on Yourself

#BedTalk Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Declutter your house! Learn Dutch! Organize all your files!

Are you starting to should on yourself about all the things you should be doing? Even worse, are you shoulding on others? Stop shoulding.

When we use the word should we are saying that we failed. Not everyone's work or responsibilities has decreased. For some, it has increased. Don't feel like you need to keep up with everyone else.

For the people who aren't working they may be excited to find time to finally learn that language.
For people who have been wanting to work on a house project for a year, they now have the hours to do it.

But if you are working hard all day and you just want to watch Ozark in the evening?
Go for it. Stop shoulding on yourself.

Just make sure you do some push-ups and squats in between each episode 🙂

For more #BedTalk search for #BedTalkChallenge, started by David Rendall www.drendall.com.


#BedTalk Keeping Positive Habits During COVID-19

#BedTalk Keeping Positive Habits During COVID-19

Keep as many good habits as you can. It's harder to restart a habit than start a brand new one.

Are all your bad habits going out the window with the shelter-in-place (sheltered and safe!) restrictions? Stop that madness! Focus on your positive habits and keep them up.

Keep as many of your good habits as possible and keep up your routine. We're not on vacation and it will be harder for you to get back your positive behaviors when things go back to normal.

Go to bed at a decent time instead of binging Netflix. Food prep on Sundays instead of winging it throughout the week and getting snack attacks every couple of hours. Keep up your movement instead of getting pancake butt while destroying your brain cells with hours of social media.

Marcey talks about maintaining positive habits in this latest #BedTalk, inspired by David Rendall and the #BedTalkChallenge. Check out this #BedTalk about keeping up your Diva Day.

What positive routine will you commit to keeping?

#BedTalk Do what makes you feel human

#BedTalk Do what makes you feel human

#BedTalks #2 – Do what makes you feel human. Marcey Rader isn't stopping Diva Day.

Self-quarantine, shelter-in-place, stay-at-home. It doesn't matter what you call it. No one, or very few people, is going to see you right now. It doesn't mean you let yourself go, stop shaving, let your eyebrows take over your face, or wear the same clothes for three days.

Do what make you feel good and makes you feel human. I regularly have my mini Diva Day on Sundays when I paint my nails, shave my legs, tweeze my eyebrows, and clothes prep for the week. I decided not to stop doing these things because it makes me feel human. The last thing I want to do in all of this is also feel bad about myself.

What can you continue to make yourself feel human?

Thanks to David Rendall for this great #BedTalksChallenge! For more bed talks search for #BedTalkChallenge on YouTube. For my #BedTalks visit my main blog page.

How to outsource with TaskRabbit and Fiverr

How to outsource with TaskRabbit and Fiverr

Would you rather listen instead? Click here for the 3-minute audio recording.

Use TaskRabbit and Fiverr for creative outsourcing!

Trying to buy a gift that doesn't result in clutter but is unique and customized?

Have gifts that you need to wrap, but your attempt looks like a preschooler did it? (Ok, I'm talking about me here).
Does DIY turn into OOPS?

TaskRabbit and Fiverr to the rescue!

TaskRabbit is like Craig's list but without the scaries. Instead of wondering if the person showing up is going to be reliable or is a descendant of Big Foot, you can hire and pay through TaskRabbit. You'll be able to see references and ratings of the people you are considering. Everything is done through its platform to make it easy.

What are some things you can use TaskRabbit for?

  • Handyman services
  • Packing and unpacking boxes
  • Personal Assistant duties
  • Ikea furniture assembly (yes! It's true!)
  • Hanging pictures and TVs
  • Painting
  • Waiting in line for you

    and more!

I had one client who used TaskRabbit to take down all of her holiday decorations and put them away. Another used TaskRabbit to be a runner at her child's birthday party so she could focus on her son instead of replenishing cupcakes and punch.

Fiverr is another website to outsource tasks from the professional to the personal. It's called Fiverr because each gig is $5, but the work might be 2 or more gigs. 

Popular professional services include:

  • Logo design
  • website customization
  • voice-overs
  • translation of video

I've used Fiverr for press releases, making PDFs editable (I paid $11 rather than buying the Adobe Suite) and book editing and formatting. What I really like them for is for creating personalized gifts.

I had a ‘celebrity' record a special message for my husband for his 50th birthday.

Todd TaskRabbit

I had someone photoshop my brother Todd into a scene from Baywatch for his birthday (yes, I could have done this myself, but it wouldn't have looked as good, and my time is worth more than $12).

Outsourcing birthday gift on Fiverr

I also had my niece's photo turned into a cartoon Rapunzel for $12 – two gigs + a tip. 

Have a cousin who likes Elvis and Brazil? There's a Brazilian Elvis that can sing her a custom message.

One of my favorite uses is to have someone do vacation research. There are many people who will create customized travel itineraries or will be your personal assistant when you get there. There's one that will plan your entire Disney World vacation starting at $10!

Get creative. Save time. Stop putting off those tasks you keep moving forward to the next day.
What's the first task you can think of to outsource?

Phone-Free New Year’s Eve

Phone-Free New Year’s Eve

Would you rather listen instead? Click here for the 5-minute audio recording.

Last year I started following Bagby, a company that describes itself as digital wellness with a human soul. The founder, Juan Sanchez, has two degrees in digital and social media marketing. He decided to stop becoming part of the distraction while at the same time, take his relationship with his wife to the next level. Bagby encourages people to put down their phones to not just reduce screen time but increase HUMAN time.

Do you know what Phubbing is?

I bet you've phubbed someone.
Or someone phubbed you.
My friend, who is a recruiter, even said she was phubbed in an interview!

Phubbing – Phone snubbing. When people look at their phone and snub the person right in front of them.

Phubbing drives me crazy. Even the sight of a phone on the table makes me anxious. My husband, who is 50, notices that the majority of his millennial friends always have their phones on the table, face-up, glancing at them as notifications appear (yes, I know people who are not millennials do this too, but the majority of his friends of that age do it without exception). He puts his on the table sometimes, face-down, because it's uncomfortable in his pocket. I have a dear friend who always has her phone out in case the school calls, but then I noticed one day that when her entire family was with us, she was the only one who had her phone on the table. I don't blame her. The dopamine drip is strong.

To me, it feels like they are saying “I'm here at this table with you, but something may important may happen on this device and I can't miss it. Not even for 30 minutes.”

Learned behavior.
Is it an addiction or an impulse?

Several studies report phubbing leads to negative feelings, lack of connection, an increase in anxiety, a decrease in marital satisfaction, and more. It also threatens our four fundamental needs of belonging, self-esteem, meaningful existence, and control. 

It's such a distraction that it sucks the enjoyment out of an event, even when it's not directed at me personally. This is why I think every concert venue, comedy club, movie theater, and school should invest in Yondr

I bought a few anti-phubbing bands from Bagby to see if I wanted to invest in them as marketing materials and decided to throw a couple of Bagby Social-Mindful Phone and Tablet holders into my cart.  

My husband, who pretty much has a tablet or phone with him at all times, agreed to my experiment and put one up beside our front door on New Year's Eve. We had two other couples coming to join us for a raucous game of who could be the most horrible person at Cards Against Humanity.

Bagby Sleeve
Bagby Social-Mindful Phone and Tablet Holder

What happened as they arrived was very interesting. We asked our guests to put their phones in the holder, and the first couple, Sara and Billy, did it right away. When the next couple arrived, TB put both of her phones in the holder. Her spouse wanted to keep his in his pocket. I told him it was not an option, and the peer pressure forced him to get rid of it.

As the night progressed, he joked a few times, “if we had our phones, we could look it up.” And he's right! There were several times that we would have asked Siri or searched for a video, photo, or something else, but we didn't. 

Guess what happened? 

At the end of the night, none of us could remember what we even wanted to look up to begin with. That funny video we were going to share or the news story we had to read didn't even matter. 

Sara and Bill
Sara and Billy

When I asked one of the couples the next morning how they felt about it, they said it was a little weird at first, but then they liked it. They paid more attention to the people in the room and weren't distracted. Upon further reflection, ten days later, Billy Alspaugh sent me this message.

Looking back on the evening, I was surprised, and in hindsight, appalled, at my initial reptilian, base response to not want to give up my phone. It set off bells and whistles that don't conjure up rainbows and unicorns.

I quickly reminded myself that I'm trying to embrace “outside my comfort zone” and mentally moved this situation into that column.

I found that I was unnerved and slightly discombobulated the first few times I was unsure about something and instinctually began to reach for my “googler”. That began to go away after false start #2.

It was interesting to me how big a deal being device-free was. In reality, we just went a few hours without them. We most likely could/would have passed the same amount of time without anyone going “to the pocket” without drawing any attention.

I thought that the joint “team effort” brought a sense of unity to the proceedings that wouldn't have existed with devices on hand. For example, working together to remember band names, song titles, year of album release, etc. that otherwise would have been searched for.

To that same end, I know I felt a sense of resolve and found joy in being able to remember/find things mentally that I, by default, would have just farmed out to the interweb. Strangely I felt like a kid again, way back before pocket supercomputing, when going to grab an encyclopedia was too much hassle. It was somewhere near this realization, probably early to mid-game, that I couldn't have cared less about my phone anymore.

I must admit that the amount of time I have spent since New Year's Eve thinking about my relationship with my device has been somewhat shocking to me. My wife Sara has been practicing removing her device from her space, both in work and sleep. I never really understood what her aim was until New Year's Eve. 

I am making an effort to be more cognizant of how dependent I am to my device daily and to remove it whenever possible. Small things like turning it off vs. making it silent when I need total focus on a task truly makes a difference. I have quite a ways to go, but for now, I'm taking baby steps.

My husband loved the experiment so much that he wanted to keep the phone holder on the wall and start a new habit of Phone-Free Fridays for 2020! Usually, I'm the one who wants to do something like that, so I was pleasantly surprised and thrilled that this was his idea. It's since moved to Phone Free Weekend Nights starting at 6pm.

I'll be buying more of these phone holders this year for my clients who allow distracted meetings. Why have a meeting if people aren't going to be present?

We need more people like Juan, more companies like Bagby, and more willing participants to go back to human-to-human interaction. This is all a social experiment, and I think sooner rather than later, we will all be practicing more analog and digital minimalism to establish a connection.

Where and when can you see yourself using a phone holder? 
When can you commit to not phubbing?

Marcey Rader is a speaker, coach, and author of productivity and health behaviors who wants to rid the world of phubbing. Check out her latest book to lead you down a path of presence, at www.workwellplaymore.com/books.

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